Posts tagged ‘negative’

April 27, 2006

My un-interesting life.

I find that I don’t mind reading the blogs of people that I know. It doesn’t feel as boring as those blogs that belong to total strangers because it doesnt bore me, and somehow the life of the familiar person, I feel at least a tad bit connection because at one point in life, I was a part of theirs.Anyways, was reading a 19 year old girl, law undergrad in Adelaide, which I had known because she was a church member long time ago. She’s one fortunate bitch. The daddy’s little girl got a nice car for her to use while at uni. What a life eh? I never got to be a daddy’s girl..

I was also reading my bf’s ex’s blog, and also another life that I think is so carefree and bimbo-ish. Its like there’s nothing else a girl could ask for. I’m thinking to myself, my life is so boring. There’s nothing interesting about my life at all thats worth telling the world. Blogging is just an outlet for me to express my disappointment and dissatisfaction with what I am.

I guess sometimes I wish for something that I can never grasp, and yet sometimes I can also feel content with being comfortable at what I have.. it is what they always say about life.. COMPLICATED.

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November 16, 2005

whats wrong with me?????

why can’t I be happy?????????????????

WHY?????????????????????????????????WHY DO I KEEP FEELING MISERABLE?????????????????

WHY CANT I BE CONTENT????????????????????????

SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL ME…………….

August 4, 2005

aaahh life.

was browsing thru frenster, and i see lots of them overseas studying, pics of them having a blast with friends and shit. and i think to myself, how come i couldnt be like that?

well, shit happens. …

August 3, 2005

nooooooooooooooooooooo

woke up and realised i’ve got 1 strand of grey hair.

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo….wat could’ve caused it?? over stressed?? thinking too much??

i dont know. lately i can say i’m at the depressing stage. its hard for me to even laugh heartily and sincerely. too much things to worry about. well, actually just 1 thing. but its the 1 thing that could make everything else become better. MONEY.

i’m financially at the state of ‘clueless’. unlike most of you, your family would give a monthly allowance and let u work around it. for me, when i need money, i’d have to ask for it, and most of the time, i dont get as much as I need.lets see now, i need credit for my mobile which probably takes about RM60 or more a month. and then there’s toiletries to buy which i would roughly say about RM100 per month or 2. and then there’s the occasional eat outs, and then of course my hardware shit that i need to buy now, my harddisk fucked up and just to post it back for warranty gonna cost me RM120. i need a webcam too. and I need money to go for my lover’s graduation.

see how much money i need? now if i was fucking filthy rich, these wouldnt be a trouble and i will live happily ever after.

i know i’ve got brothers and sisters who are married and earn income, but its not like they have money to spare really. and i’d hate to be a burden to people i find that are not fully responsible for me. people responsible for me is my mother and my father. which in my case, neither 1 wants to really help.

1 has not much money and claims that she tries finding other sources of income through investments yet i never seem to see returns. the other is more complicated yet he has money but is too much a tight-ass to spend it on his less significant daughter.

i may not have as screwed up a life as a whole lot of other ppl in the world, but its pretty much there.

April 22, 2005

LOST II

spiritually weak..

dont wanna go home..wanna run away..

yet reality kicks in.. i look at my friends.. they’re doin ok.. they dont give a fuck.. they’re still ok.. my conscience kills my soul..

feeling useless.. wish i was smarter.. wish i could live up to standards.. wish i was RICHER.. doesnt everyone?

i need space.. i need to work things out.. dont want my friends to see me in this state.. i’m really negative right now.. need to get back on track.. to be able to hide my weakness better.. not like this.. not now.. not yet..