Archive for March, 2006

March 18, 2006

Far Away: week 14 – I HATE YOU

jus had another conversational fight wid my boy.

i hate it when he blames shit on me.

started from a really small thing as telling his cousin that he was lying.

And he blamed me for not defending him. and it went to me firing back at him talking about defending and how HE was the asshole who NEVER defended me and got me into all other verbal shit and crap from his family.

Then he started to say that I was calculative. CALCULATIVE??? we’re living in a realistic world, HELLO??!!! If I wasn’t being calculative then I would have the right to say that HE was fucking taking ADVANTAGE of me!! Takin me for GRANTED!!!

its just shit u know. even if I expect him to apologize I know he doesnt mean it. its hopeless I tell you. if i ignore him, it won’t work. If i just let it be, he’ll act as if everythings ok, nothing happened, he’s still the same.

Then I told him, next time, no more fucking BLAMES on me. And then he goes, “OK, BLAMELESS ONE.”


His sarcasm was pathetic. Every fucking word just reaks of getting back to picking a fight. Couldn’t he just drop it?? Couldn’t he be gentle and say,
“ok honey, yes baby, no more blames on you.”

sometimes i just hate him so.

March 5, 2006

Brass Monkey with Amms

last night, after a whole day of just throwing a fit, loneliness, short Gilmore series and a bit of laundry, i finally get to go out of the shitpot. i think i would’ve gone insane if i didnt go out.

anyways, my best mate thought we might or might not go to the club. we didnt end up in the club, but just had a real good time of sharing and heart to heart at Brass Monkey, topped with good food and dessert!

talked mostly bout her relationship, mine as well, friends, sex.. aahh.. the usual.. it was a good time to really catch up. i think we were there from 9 all the way till 12.30midnight. just eating and having good peaceful chatting time..

i really missed those and enjoys them whenever we actually have them. but she’s been so busy, and i have no choice but to wait patiently till my turn with her comes round again..

March 4, 2006

Sister sister.

Just over msn, I could be in a heated debate with my sister and hence ended up totally annoyed with my frickin stupid mistake.

it all started with my sister complaining about some church member not bein able to be a good parent enough to teach their kids to share. apparently the dude is a pastor. and so i just made a comment, an honest one which i thought she would appreciate but i was dead wrong.

she got all emotional when i told her about the attitude that she’s reflecting of the church that i hated, they gossiped and become hypocrites. she started to say i was wrong, when i said i wasnt, i was just different.. yada yada yada.. it became a heated debate.. aarrrgghh

i got annoyed cos i didnt mean for it to go sour. i was just being honest. i really should remind myself that my sister can be overly sensitive sometimes.. haih

well, i msged her back after we finally drop the topic. i just told her i was sorry that she felt hurt and that i was making a comment. no reply.

oh well. she’s still mad. let her be lah.

March 4, 2006

lonely friday night.

its 6.30am in the morning, and I just got out of shower..

the only 2 reason for me to be taking a shower in the wee hours like that would be no.1: I’m about to leave for uni or out somewhere. no.2: I woke up a lil earlier than expected and I realised that I didnt take a shower the night before.

so i’m still here, typing this up. of course, it’ll be reason no.2.

last night after having take away dinner, i was just home, in front of my computer, trying to do a little bit of work. starting from printing out my examination guidelines and past exam papers wat not. then my laptop went a lil crack and the adobe acrobat reader went bonkers. so i uninstalled it, and ended up doing a whole lot more pc maintenance shit. had to wait for software downloads and defragment crap.

so while i was doing all that waiting, i was also at the same time, hoping someone would call me up and invite me out. I was feelin lonely cos my boy was out clubbin and I didnt have anyone to talk to even online. so was just stuck at home, in the room, reading past letters that i sent to my boy and reminicing in them.

and then i just got tired and slept! my boy actually msged me online but i couldnt be bothered to reply.

how sad was that. neither my best fren nor the other guy(Mr.TCelica) that said he’d call ever called at all.

i’m such a sad case.

March 3, 2006


i know i’ve got so many things to do. assignments and shit and yet, right now, this moment. i’m just bored. and lazy.

and again, boredom = snacking. so i took out a chocolate bar and so here i am, typing away crap just to waste my time.

besides this, on my lazy and bored times, i tend to lay on the bed and cover my face with my beloved pillow and daydream away. thinking about happy thoughts. just then. was thinking about all the good things my boy can be..

miss him.

March 2, 2006

Week 16: Far Away

my boy left for oz on sunday. its back to normal, lonely, and miserable life for me. i didnt cry this time that he left. i guess it was assuring that i will see him in June again. which is, sixteen weeks from now =)

these few days have been kinda hectic for me. rushed for assignment. made up for all the tuition session that was missed out. spent time in the new library to study for my test and also do a little bit of research for my essay which is due next tuesday. honestly, out of 3 hours in the library, 2 hours is really spent on leisure reading!

however, i am going to need to spend summore time in the library to do my research for my essay. its actually a very simple essay depending on which person i wish to report on. the ‘tokoh’ i chose, happens to be a great Kadazan legendary leader who has mellowed down now. but just the mention of his name, people are sure to give a good nod.

of course, information on this dude is not readily available. in this case, i might need to check out cultural avenues for more info on this dude.

as for the rest of the days, i have had a little dispute with my little student. I was accusing her of cheating and she went ballistic and dramatic about it, cryin and shit. but at least the mother was still understanding. i hope.

oh well.. here’s to the rest of the week. Bring it on, week 15!!