I’m still alive.

Hey peeps.. I am still alive..

I’m facing a transition.. and lots of unknowns lies before me..

So I’m gonna lay low, for maybe about 3 months.. but I’ll still be around..

3 years ago, today : episode 2

Another blast from the past. Papam’s randoms.

[warning: content may be seriously pessimistic. beware.]

Mom and Courses
13-Jun-2005 12:56

got a reply back from pierre last nite, negative feedback as usual. nvr seem to get any good news coming from them. well, seems like my life is over from this point onwards.

sis had a bad time last nite. i feel sorry for her. mom takes her for granted. me and bro just dont bother anymore. i dont know how else to see this. mom is just so naive.

i guess thats it. wont be able to get a degree. having a fucking rich father doesnt even help d fact that i screw up 1 time, and he just cant help me no more. whats a father for? bad enuf that i cant apply for a study loan coz i cant fucking use my father’s name. and now, just one mistake and i have to live my whole life knowing that i screwed up. fuck.

oh well.. i’m used to getting all this negativity from them, now i just have to live with having second best. its not like i have no option. its just not a better one thats all.

….~life doesnt always turn out the way you’d expect it to be..~”

how true..

Ranting about love

Papams says:
sometimes i am sick of how ppl are not deserving of the level of love and passion i have for them

Papams says:

christene222 says:
hahahaa..

christene222 says:
well..

christene222 says:
i always think that, if a person doesn’t love me the way i want it, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me..

Papams says:
i guess

Papams says:
but then u wouldn’t be able to ‘feel’ loved

Papams says:
u just “know” u are loved

Papams says:
but we need to also “feel” loved maa

3 years ago, today.

A post from my Hi5 journal that I couldn’t export to wordpress. I copied and pasted it here.

Part of my “blast from the past” series..

Randoms.

SHITT!!!
08-Jun-2005 12:48

man.. i actually shit in my panties today!! so gross.. see, i had that feeling that i needed to take a shit, but then i didnt think it was that urgent. I thought to myself, yeaa.. i could still hold it. then the next thing u know, u give out a fart, and the whole shit just follows through.. eeewwww.. i know..

besides that, days have been boring, still uncertain, still a lil lost. but i dun give a fuck anymore. it might not b my number 1 choice, but i just cant stand d fact of not having money to buy my own independance..

so am just gonna go and see how it goes with my aunt. hopefully she’ll she d light of that case and let me go with that and head to kl.. haih..

Sickly

Papams is feeling ill.

But still wants to blog.

But headache is getting to her eyes.

Constipation is screwing her ass.

Throat hurts when she swallows.

Can’t….

continue….

last ….

night’s….

kwento…..

……………………………

 

My mother turns 59 today.

Happy Birthday Mommy…

Updates to be continued..

For now, papams gotta hit the sack..

Family Tree Reunion

I must say, I usually wouldn’t wanna go to any functions at the kampung nowadays just because I am much more interested in staying at home, in front of my pc. But this time, it was kind of a big event, and since my sister and her family was going as well, I figured it’ll be a good time to get to know my “family tree”.

It was yesterday, 31st May, which was the 2nd day of the Harvest Festival so it was still a Public Holiday. The sister n family came to pick mum and I up from home around 10am, dropped by Lokawi for breakie. Then off we go..

Usually we’d take the new road to Papar, this time Tom decided we should take the old road and I was pretty much excited to see the views too as I haven’t been through that road in a while..

This was us in the back seat..

My adorable models again in the car during the road trip..

Just as we hit the high way, we were caught stuck in traffic due to the train that was blocking the road..

Fortunately, it didn’t take them long to fix the problem so we were on our way again soon enough..

~ To the right, to the right ~~ my kampung, (technically my mum’s) P A P A R !

~ To the left, to the left~~ Its the Wildlife Park that I have yet to visit!! darn.. gotta find time for that..

Some sceneries on the road trip along the way to my kampung..

I think this is the Montfort Youth Training Centre.. for juveniles??

Views of some hills and padi fields…

And after 45mins or so, we’re here… Notice all the cars parked along the main road..

This is the kampung community hall where we gathered, and the signboard outside.. its also a place where they put their votes in during political campaigns.. Thats my kampung name.. Kampung “Gadong”

And the banner for our big family function!! And its only from this banner that I found out my ancestor’s are of the “Matansi Dato Manggong” family…

This is part of my Kadazan culture, every gathering or function/event, you’re bound to have gongs and tagongs around for sound effects..

The family tree chart was posted on the wall.. For 25 years of my life, I am truly enlightened this day..

This was prolly the main motivator for me to get my ass to this function.. I NEEDED TO KNOW~~!!

We were given 4 different codes, A,B,C and D, each with a different color. The codes represented the different child and their descendants and generations down.. I was in the “A” code, with the blue color. We were all given name tags with the color code and our names on it..

You see, up until now, I only know of my grandmother’s full name, but never knew any stories of families before my grandmother. Like, my grandmother never mentioned to me of her mother or her uncles and etc etc.. This day was a true eye opener for me in terms of my family history.. And, mind you, my grandmother was the most “senior” amongst all the other family members that were there!

Ok, apparently, my grandmother, is the grandchild, of my ancestors “Matansi Dato Manggong” so you can imagine how large this family reunion is.. there’s at least 150 of us!! And most of these ppl I’ve never met before in my life!!! But I suppose, family ties are like that.. most of the members are family due to marriage..

This “branch” below is where my ‘immediate’ family is positioned!

Once most of us are gathered, we were asked to do a large photo session under this very large tree to commemorate the family “tree” concept.. I didn’t manage to get anyone to take a photo of the A,B,C and D family codes altogether! It was way too large anyway, we’d all just look like ants.. or dots..

So after the LARGE group photo, we took separate A,B,C and D photos, and apparently, the “A” group or blue code, where my family is in, is the LARGEST group!! Its understandable i suppose cos my grandmother’s mother, was the eldest child of the Matansi family.. But you’d be surprised, due to the family hierarchy, we’d still have toddlers of the same age but coming from different position in the hierarchy. So it’ll be like, girl age 4, points to baby age 2 and says, “hey! you’r my grand-aunt!”

This is the smallest group, group D, which was also the most organised group cos they came color coded!!! Everyone was so cooperative!

After the large photo session, smaller photo sessions were held inside the community hall cos it started to rain outside!! My grandmother in the middle, and her brothers beside her.. my grandmother is the second amongst her siblings, she had an elder sister that passed away, and also a younger brother as well. There were 5 of them, and only 3 left now..

This is my grandmother with her children, 6 of them, and my mum is also the second amongst her siblings..

And then the grandchildren!! Papams and cousins, and cousins in law.. haha .. not all of us are here though but thats pretty much it..

After photo session, a short dance session as well.. its just wat we Kadazans enjoy doing during a gathering.. check out the little lady in red, I think she’s my grand-aunt.. distant one.. she’s doing the ‘real’ Papar Kadazan dance routine..

And thats me behind the red shirt guy.. darn it..

This is Chloe with cousin Kendra Faith. Chloe’s mother is cousins with Kendra’s mother, which makes them the 2nd cousins??

Food was served after rounds of speeches from those that organized the function and got everything together.. since Tom had to go for music practice, my ‘immediate’ family had to leave earlier..

Before leaving the kampung, managed to grab a photo of the house which my grandfather owned.. I remember his funeral was held in this house.. now my youngest uncle stays in it with his family.. I’ve got fond memories of this house cos during my childhood days, whenever we ‘balik kampung’, this will be the house we head to..

It was definitely worth the travel down memory lane.. and also getting to know my roots!